A Touch of Grey? Part 1: Buick Regal

Am I getting older?  Is that my hair clogging the drain every morning, or is it errant pet hair that mysteriously found it's way into the tub?  Does my back actually hurt from stooping over a seized engine all day?  Is my hairline moving back, or is my cranium getting bigger?

Are Cadillacs and Buicks suddenly cool?

While I may, in fact, be losing my hair and the rest of my youthful vigor, it would seem that GM may finally be getting it.  Cases in point:  The new Buick Regal and the Cadillac CTS.

Just look at the Buick.  That's right, the photo is of a white Buick, apparently the only one made in the last 30 years not parked outside of either an old-folks' home, church, or Cafeteria restaurant.  In all seriousness, Buick used to make exceptionally cool cars.  Names like GNX, Grand National, Grand Sport, Riviera, Skylark, and Wildcat spark memories of muscular, classy, luxurious, fast-yet-comfortable, good-value for the money cars.  Sometime in the mid '70's, Buick decided that as their devout fans from the 40's and 50's aged, they would age with them.  Which worked well from a business perspective, until those devout fans started bumping up against the century mark (Buick named a car after this important event in the history of the company) and began dropping like flies.  As the hearts of these sweet old folks stopped beating, the company also seemed to lose it's pulse.

In some kind act of sympathy, GM spared Buick the reaper's scythe when the global recession hit in 2008, and rather than cut a division with dated styling and even more dated customers, they cut Pontiac.  Sure, Pontiac made it's fair share of cars that were the automotive equivalent of disposable diapers (they tended to sag as they filled with their own crap), they were making recent inroads with interesting, non-redundant models such as the Pontiac Solstice and Holden-based GTO and G8 models.

Having cut some good products to save Buick, GM needed a good Buick, and they needed it fast.  So, they took the European car of the year from the prior year, the Opel Insignia, dressed it in a Buick waterfall grille, named it Regal, and sent it to the auto show circuit.  The results?  Most people in the American market had never seen an Insignia, but they sure wanted the Regal.

Showy without being gaudy, it is a rare example of Americanizing the styling of a car without over-doing the chrome.  The lines are absolutely modern, the roofline is very chic, the fenders bulge just enough to look powerful without being exaggerated, and the wheel options are tasteful, as long as the buyer avoids chrome-plating.

Inside, the materials are a bit monochromatic but handsome nonetheless, with modern design and sporty heated leather bucket seats in place of the more tradition old-fogey velour Buick bench.  Column shift?   What column shift?  This baby has a floor mounted six-speed manual standard.  A Harmon/Kardon sound system and a flat-bottomed steering wheel add credibility for the under-AARP membership crowd.

Paired with the GS' optional turbo 4-cylinder engine with 270 horsepower and 295lb ft of torque, this is genuinely a sporty alternative to, say, a Lexus ES.   Start thinking Acura TSX without the horrific styling, and with a better optional engine, and you pretty much know where this car lies in the marketplace.

More importantly for Buick, however, is that people less than 30 years old will think it's cool.  Not because of some marketing campaign or kitschy wheel and spoiler package.  But because it's genuinely cool.

Have you ever noticed how when you walk past your car, it looks like the headlights are following you?

Why is it that humans relate more to animals than plants or fungi?  Why is it we always look for faces in rock walls, clouds, or the moon?   Why do we keep seeing Mother Teresa in our pancakes or Jesus in our toast?  What is the incessant need to identify a human analogue in nearly everything?  So well wired into our own brains, that we have developed computers who can also identify one face from another.

Even tiny babies pay close attention to faces from birth.  We search so diligently for faces, we identify them on inanimate objects.  That particular act, as it were, is so common, that it has a name: Pareidolia.  And hardly anywhere in the realm of manufactured goods is this Pareidolia more evident than in automotive design:

For instance, doesn't it appear that this MX-5 is having more fun than it's pilot?

 So natural is this association, you can accessorize the face of your car to look even more like a human.   Your Beetle needs more sultry eyelashes, you say?  There's an app for that.

From the front, this BMW looks like a very tired, yet very surprised vampire.   From the side, it looks like a pregnant cat dragging it's belly around.   But that's besides the point. 

Are you serious?   What does this little Sprite know that we don't?  How is this level of adorableness allowable by law?  How do you not wish there was a little tongue hanging out the side of that grille?

Now that I've planted the seed of thought, I hope that you look a bit differently at the parking lot full of cars or the traffic jammed on the highway, and instead of an inconvenience, see all of the cute, smiling, happy, intimidating, or tough-looking faces, and hopefully, they'll manage to put a smile on your face as well.

Behold, the Wonder of Technology!

Do you remember when you had to keep a tire gauge in the glove box?  How about getting pulled over because you had a tail-light burned out?  These are things of the past, my friends.  You see, amongst other things, cars are able to tell us these sorts of things.

For example: Two weeks ago, my right rear tire was losing about 3 lbs of pressure every day, and as it turns out, I had 2 nails in one tire (I drive directly past two construction supply yards on my way to work, one that is located exactly at a very rough railroad crossing, so you can imagine just how many nails may be in the roadway.)  I knew this without some disastrous blowout or completely flat tire because my car told me.  For a week straight, my car told me to fix that tire, but I kept putting air in it every morning rather than patch it.  And my car was relentless about giving me the business until  I quit being lazy/cheap and got it fixed.

Today, my car informed me that a light bulb had burned out.  Not just a lightbulb, but specifically, the right rear brake light.  I didn't have to get a "fix-it" ticket to know this.  And this is all information I get for free, as an average consumer with absolutely no mechanical or electrical work needed. 

If you're like me and not afraid to pop the hood and turn a wrench, you can buy (for an extremely affordable $100 or so) a code reader which will, as easily as plugging a cord into a socket,  tell you not only why your check engine light is on, but will also give you an error code you can use to reference exactly what has gone wrong with your car.  Or you can go to Autozone, and they'll read the code and print it out for free.  Whether your oxygen sensor or mass air-flow sensor has gone bad, or your gas cap is loose, you'll know within minutes for very little outlay.

The concept of a modern day "unreliable" car is unfounded, and the fact that the cars are designed to communicate so well exactly what is wrong puts even more of the blame on negligent owners.  My point is, if your tire pressure light comes on, look into it.  If your "check engine" light illuminates, by all means, check your engine or pay someone to check it for you.  Your car is trying it's hardest to be reliable and dependable.

My 10 Favorite Cars #1: Alfa Romeo GTV

Man, just look at it.   This is, without a doubt, the greatest car of all time.   Definitely the prettiest.    Another masterpiece by Giorgetto Giugiaro, this little muscle car was and is an absolute, definitive example of what every car should be.   Note the amazing shape, which has aged incredibly well, and the tasteful restraint in chrome and slapdashery.

GTV stands for "Gran Turismo Veloce", or "Fast Touring Car", which means a sporting car designed for comfort on long trips, a car meant to cross continents at high speed and allow the driver and passenger to arrive refreshed and relaxed.  Wait, look at the picture again.  Heartbreakingly gorgeous, isn't it?   

Inside, you get a well-appointed cabin, with a wonderfully oversized Nardi wood-rimmed steering wheel and wood trim everywhere, as well as sporty bucket seats and a shifter mounted high and to the middle of the console.  Check out all those auxiliary gauges!

Even though these wonderful little cars established a reputation for being "fragile", it is well known that when a classic Alfa GTV is running, it is pure bliss.

Observe that beautiful inline-four.  This little mill made 135hp, and was more than enough to scoot the 2170lb car along with little effort.  The GTV had a five-speed manual, one more gear than was common in sporting cars of its era, and 4-wheel disc brakes. In its day, this little hot rod could run with Ferrari and Porsche on racetracks and twisty roads, and was livable for everyday driving.

A good GTV can be had from $7000- $15,000, meaning I am quite likely to acquire one in my lifetime.   Which means my friends and family will never hear the end of it!  On a related note, last night I dreamed I bought one...

My 10 favorite Cars #2: Volkswagen GTI

Man, they just don't get a whole lot better than this one.  When VW engineers worked after-hours on a car that wasn't ever originally planned for production, the result was so good that even the suits could see absolutely no reason not to produce the world's first "pocket rocket", and a motoring icon was born.

The body  of the Mk1 was designed by legendary Giorgetto Giugiaro, the shape is very much the same as more pedestrian Golf models, but through subtle bits of flair, such as the red around the grille and the black around the rear window, somehow achieves a more distinctive and special quality.  As always, the Giugiaro design is a magnificent combnation of style, engineering, and practicality. 

GTI stands for "Grand Touring Injection", and as you'd expect, it came standard with fuel injection.    It had 110hp, and weighed under 1,900 pounds, and could hit 60mph in under 9 seconds, which was quite fast in the emission-choked 1970's.  As important, it featured four-wheel independent suspension with quite firm damping but soft enough springing to make it incredibly agile, but also quite comfortable.  And even more importantly, it was affordable.  The GTI gained a cult following who appreciated the above characteristics, as well as the durability and reliability over other sporting cars from Europe at the time.

Over the years, the GTI got gradually larger, heavier, and relatively slower, but maintained a reputation as a motoring icon.  It wasn't until the MkV model (2006-2009 in the U.S) that the GTI got it's true swagger back.  They even remembered to put a red stripe around the grille!


In fact, I like the GTI so much, I own one,  and could not be more happy with it.

My 10 Favorite Cars #3: Lancia Fulvia HF

Oh man, is this thing sweet.  Just look at those compact dimensions, crisp lines, and aggressive stance.  This little hotted up coupe was a serious race winner in it's day, and has become highly sought after, truly a legendary car.  I could insert all kinds of cliche hyperbole about Italian cars and brio and soul, but I'll refrain.  

What Lancia hath wrought here is a sweet little front-drive razor that looks as good as it goes.  As with nearly all Italian cars of it's day, the 1.6 HF has a high-revving twin cam engine (115 hp).  What it also has is 5 forward gears and plenty of negative suspension camber (wheel tilted in at the top for better handling), and many lightweight  aluminum and plexiglass for better everything.

Man, I would love to own this one.  I'd love to drive it all day, on a twisty, hilly road.  I'd love to sit in the garage and just look at it.

My Favorite Cars #4- Lotus Elan Sprint

This car is awesome in so many ways, how do I even start this entry?  The antithesis of the huge muscle cars being built in America in 1963, this car was designed with what Colin Chapman called "added lightness", or deliberate light weight through very careful engineering.  

Very advanced for it's time, the original Elan came with a twin-cam engine, four-wheel disc brakes, concealed pop-up headlights, and four-wheel independent suspension.   Initially, the car was going to be constructed as a fiberglass monoquoce (no separate chassis), but the testing prototype with it's spine-style frame worked so well, it was decided to stay that way. The car, later in Sprint specification, weighed 1540 pounds (half of an average modern small car) and came with a 1500cc (1.5 litre) engine that made 126 horsepower.   As you can imagine, the car was exceptionally quick and nimble in it's day, hitting 60 mph in about 6.5 seconds.   That's still pretty quick!

Ultimately, this is not a car for everyone.  With it's infamously fickle electrical system and very small size, it takes a dedicated driving enthusiast to see the pleasure through the pain.   Which is why Mazda created the Miata, a modern interpretation of this very car.  But the original is still the best, and a great illustration that more is not always more fun.

My 10 Favorite Cars #5- BMW M3 E30

Just look at it.   All  blistered fenders and wings, sculpted side skirts and menacing black grilles.   The regular E30 3-series is easily the best of the series, and this is without a doubt the very best of the M-division's offerings to date.   Yes, it "only" has a four-cylinder engine with 192hp, but in a car that weighed under 3000 pounds with rear wheel drive and a very stiff and willing chassis, this puppy was a race-car for the streets.

BMW set about stiffening the body shell and applying all of it's handling prowess into an absolute scalpel of a car.  They also improved the brakes, and those wider wheel arches accommodate wider  tires.   While later variations of the M3 were more powerful and faster in a straight line, this is the most direct and precise of the line.  And this one still looks cool, like a road-bound rally car.

One of my favorite qualities of this car is it's relative affordability.  Yes, they are fairly rare (only about 5000 were brought to the US from 1986-1992), somewhat exotic looking, and have genuine racing heritage.  But because they look similar to a standard 3-series, are slow by modern quick car standards (0-60 in just under 7 seconds), they have not caught the eye of the Corvette/Ferrari/Muscle Car crowd of collectors.  Yet.  The biggest problem is finding one that hasn't been wrecked, abused, or modified, as the price dipped into the high-school kid range for a brief period.

Still, it seems like it would be worth the wait and the small outlay to own a truly legendary car, and I can't wait until I have a bigger garage to put one in.